Chapter 1
The soft banging of the window tried to wake me up; a cold wave of breeze slid in through the open window, and filled up the room along with the blanket of darkness that the night had brought with it.
My toe poked around the foot of the bed in search of a blanket; a thin film of the cold breeze began to settle down on the soft cotton of the pajama that sheltered my legs.
The sheets that covered the bed grew colder with each gush of breeze that entered the room.
On finding a blanket lying orphan, I pulled it over my head and lay still within the walls of the blanket.
The blanket has always had reassuring warmth to it, as a kid growing up I have always felt safe hiding in the darkness of the blanket.
Within the walls of the blanket it felt like a comfortable world, the familiar sounds of my breathing, the rhythmic beats of my heart, all reassuring me that I was still alive, the fear of monsters eating me alive, fell asleep within those blanket walls.
The silence of the night speaks out loud, I always believe.
Moving around and yet keeping the silence intact is an art.
The rustle of the leaves or a soft sigh are mighty enough to butcher the silence that envelope surroundings.
“Could you close the window Sid?” Sanjana asked as she tried to hug the blanket tighter.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I looked around the room. My eyes felt comfortable, they chose not to blink profusely. A sense of comfort seemed to settle down in my heart.
Something had changed enough in the room to bring a feeling of calm to my soul.
The darkness that had engulfed the room was new to me. I sat silent looking straight at the wall.
There was a soothing feeling to the darkness of the night, no phones vibrating, no questions of trust to defend, no demands to respond, no bright lights hurting, no traffic to hold me back.
Alone with just my voice filling up my head, thoughts taking birth in my heart trying to talk its way into my head, blissful the feeling brought waves of happiness to my heart.
How I had longed for those moments solitary with just the voices in my head for company and the dark of the night for comfort.
Fascinated I have always been by the effect night has had on everyone, the shadow devoid darkness that covers the streets, the fear it brings within, the feeling of time starting to slow down in those dark nights. My friend, my companion, she shares my secrets, asks no questions and has always listened to my thoughts.
As I searched for the light switch I glanced out of the window to notice the street light that lit my room every night had blown out giving way to the new guest, the darkness in my room.
I pulled my hand away from the switch and walked in the lightless room. Stretching out my arms I tried to hug her, my legs hopped in hope of a dance, romancing the darkness, the thought had my lips part a little to make way for a smile on my face.
I stood holding the railing of the window and looked straight out at the blown out street light.
I had spent hours on my terrace looking at the trembling yellow light the bulb put out every night. Many a minutes I had spent dreaming of hurling a stone at the flickering bulb.
The sly flickering light always slid past my thick curtains and danced in my room, waking me up on numerous occasions.
The street lights ruin the essence of the night, I have always felt.
Arms crossed I turned and stood looking at Sanjana.
There seemed to be a hint of a smile on her face, her sparkling eyes now shut, soft fair cheeks resting on the fluffy pillow, she looked peaceful in her sleep.
Love at first sight it was for me, the word beauty for once had fallen short of describing her smile.
“Why did she keep the window open on such a cold winter night?” I shook my head.
Walking away from the window I looked at Sanjana.
On my knees I sat looking at her, her baby pink shirt missing a button revealed to the world her fair bosoms. I bent down to place a soft kiss on them, played my fingers on them gently, moving from one to another. Softly pressing with the tips of my finger on them, I bent down for another kiss.
Aware of my presence, turning away from me, she spoke
“Not now Sid, I have an important meeting tomorrow morning.”
Back in the bed, I struggled to go back to sleep. Desperate for a warm touch, I turned to Sanjana, but my brain tried to communicate the importance of her meeting to my confused heart.
Turning and tossing in my bed, my eyes adamant to close shut; I finally got up and sat on my bed.
A sip of water may be I thought, pushing myself off the bed. I walked out of the room slowly towards the dining table.
Seven years it had been living together but we were yet to master the art of keeping a water bottle close to our bed.
As I picked up the bottle and let a gulp of the cold water hit my throat, I stood motion less trying to feel the cold water make its way to my stomach. Little joys of life, I felt every time the drops of water hit my dry throat. Small gulp after another I tried to feel the cold water gush past my throat,
“Best drink ever” the words echoed in my head as I put back the empty bottle.
A trip to the terrace felt apt, walking up the stairs, I smiled. The silence around was an infant too, taking birth with the death of Sheeba.
Sheeba the street dog that roamed the roads in the dark of the night, howling with all her might and barking at anything that moved, chasing a car or scratching the iron gate, every step of Sheeba irritated me.
Sheeba was found life less in the gutter early morning, a hard rock smashing her head. Watching her lying dead in her pool of blood, it brought a smile to my face.
“The death of that dog will bring me peace.” I had once spoken to my wife’s shock.
She loved Sheeba and fed her regularly.
A hero she was, to have chased down a masked man trying to enter a neighbor’s house one night.
Loved by all, her death had shocked the neighborhood.
“A psycho, he will die a painful death.” My wife had gutted out her disgust at the dinner table.
Smile I controlled from playing on my face.
Sitting on the parapet wall, I looked at the empty street. I smiled, my day had finally arrived. The darkness filled up the street and the silence of the night roamed the streets with no Sheeba to break it down.
Getting up from the parapet wall I walked towards the line of flower pots that decorated the terrace wall. Walking past them with my fingers rubbing the coarse surface, I stopped at a pot filled with broken pieces of plastic mugs. Reaching beneath the pile of the broken plastic, I pulled out my cigarette packet.
Back to my position on the parapet wall with my legs facing the ground 30 feet below, I sat holding a cigarette between my fingers. How I longed for a puff, the desperate feeling to drag in a cloud of smoke into my lungs, I could hardy explain to Sanjana.
Letting out a cloud of smoke I felt at peace.
I never understood the fear in my heart I had for Sanjana, was it out of love? I wondered.
Hiding from the world, fear of getting caught playing bright in my head, I smoked my cigarettes in the dark of the night.
“King, But I smoke a King”, I spoke out loud the brand name but couldn’t help smile at the irony.
Lifting my head up I looked at the night sky, the moonless sky with sparkling white dots spread all across, not new but the view always left me amazed.
I often thought “Could there be someone sitting in one of those sparkling dots, looking up at their sky, and thinking
“Is there someone out there? Are we alone?”
“We always live our lives at eye level, never for a second looking up to may be something bigger than us.” The thought in my head had been there for long.
Pulling my thoughts back to the ground I pulled a last drag at my cigarette.
Carefully dispatching the cigarette butt deep into the mud that filled the flower pot, I turned to look at my neighbor Zoya’s house.
The lights turned out, but the window open, I could see her curtain swaying to the steady waves of breeze.
“My love and my love both think alike.” I smiled looking at the open window.
